Totter without Future, Walking without thinking

It’s 1:45 AM, a new day has come. Last evening, that means several hours ago, we had a small party with the ones who stayed together during the past one year. After talk for hours, I went back to my house. Yes, it is my house, not my home. On the train from Boonlay to Marrina Bay, only me in the carriage. An irresistible loneliness overpowering me. The carriage like a box, and I am the present to the daemon.

Buses have been stopped from 24:00AM. So I have to walk back after the train, also nobody by my side, or even in my eyes. I walked like a ghost, without destination. I know where I live and sleep, but I don’t know where I should go. My life just like a Sin Function in Mathmetics, the curve ups and downs but never has an end. My feeling of my future also.

I am on a car to the grave, so does everyone. I want to be someone, but my beloved ones stop my dreaming. My blog is a deep cave, to hide myself and where I can talk about the King With Donkey Ears. Something I can not share with my parents, for I have to be a good son; Something I can not share with my lover, for I have to be a resolute; Something I can not share with my friends, for I have to hide my weakness.

Ivan 6 March 2008 For Me